Recently I’ve been dealing with a personal problem, a vital issue. I’m not sure my actions in this are terribly enlightened. I offered it in prayer to my Guru a few days ago, and I found his answer helpful. Of course, his “answer” might be the woven fabric of my imagination, or the throw up of my vital and mind; the answer could be what these parts of me want to hear. But this is the message I got, if it is authentic:
“If you can’t surrender this to me, then I want you to accept the consequences, whatever they are, with a cheerful heart. This is also surrender.”
I find this interesting. I mean, the best thing is to never do anything wrong, and to act according to the will of our soul, with pure and perfect intention and effort. But if I haven’t reached that point, I can still offer my actions to the Master. And, as he said, if I can take the karmic consequences cheerfully then this is also a form of surrender. Guru mentions various ways to know the will of God. One way is to always act like an innocent child. Another way is to meditate every day for long hours. Another way is to ask the Master! And then there is the way that Guru apparently mentioned in answer to my prayers: surrender both the actions and the consequences of the actions. Don’t judge, don’t say, “Oh, I’m so bad, I’m so weak, I’m so disobedient.” No, just offer it to Guru. Let Guru see the action and the results that will or may come. Let Guru be the judge and the fate maker. This is the way I like.
Of course, along with acting and offering the action, and offering the eventual fruits, I also feel a strong urge to spend many hours a day reading Guru’s books, diving into Guru’s consciousness. In my case, I think the steady intensification of aspiration must accompany my offering to Guru of what I think is wrong in my life. They have to go together- offer the actions, and cry for God, for His Grace. This makes sense to me.
When I lived with Guru in New York, during the last ten years of his earthly life, I made a lot of mistakes, I had a lot of problems. But I felt that Guru always took my side. He always made me feel he was on my side. For example, I could never go on the Christmas Trip. But I remember in late November 2005, it was the day before Guru left, one of the last trips, Guru had us walk by him. He knew I couldn’t go. When I walked by him, he looked at me with such concern. He held my gaze for a long time and turned his head to see me walk away.
Two years ago I got very sick. I was bedridden for six or seven days. All I did during that time was read Guru’s books- eight or nine hours a day. I read them voraciously, and I took notes in the margins. Some of them I read out loud from cover to cover. I did nothing but read his writings, day after day. After three or four days of intense reading, I felt Guru come into my room and sat by my bed. I could feel him with me, palpably in every way. He said to me, “I love your aspiration. I love your ignorance. I love everything about you because I love you.” Then he went away. But the fragrance of his presence remained for days.
Once again, Guru had given me a fascinating message. What I do outwardly is of no consequence relative to my openness to Guru’s love! Am I going to perfect myself? Am I going to transcend the sea of ignorance with my own efforts, and maybe a stepladder? It’s absurd. Guru has an extremely beautiful aphorism:
“Hope is at once our ancestor and descendent.”
(Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees)
It is hope that has gotten us this far, and it is hope that will push us forward to a new and higher life. I can say the same about Guru’s love.
I got this experience in the context of a whole week reading Guru’s books voraciously and with utmost devotion. I did not get this message out of the blue. What’s important is maintaining contact with the Master. This is especially true when the mountain of my mistakes looms large. It’s funny- Guru said many times that when his disciples do wrong things, they don’t pray afterwards. They just cherish a guilty conscience and suffer. Prayer is so easy, but they won’t do it.
Please pray.
I have a friend whose been on the path longer than I’ve been on earth. He’s an old man with callused hands and a skin problem. I don’t see him much in New York these days, but I still call him from time to time. He’s a soulful man, whose spent his whole life taking low pay menial jobs so that he has time to meditate. I’ve visited him a few times over the years. The very walls of his house resonate with his meditation-power. When I used to work at the Oneness-Fountain-Heart, we were often extremely short staffed. Once he came to help me as a selfless service. He doesn’t know how to wait tables, and he works very slowly. But the moment he came in, he gave me the most beautiful smile. I had been having an aggravating day, but his smile made me forget all my problems.
I called him recently, and told him I’ve been having issues. He said he didn’t need any outer details, but he offered to meditate with me over the phone. We just meditated together. I felt waves of love and light emanate from our silent phone communion, these waves just inundated my whole being. We meditated for ten minutes. At the end I said, “Thank you” and he said “Thank you too.”
I think our greatest service to the world is in our consciousness and aura. That’s why we aspire. Guru writes, and I apologize for quoting this so often:
“Inner wealth is to be acquired for distribution, and nothing else.”
(Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees)
For the past two days I’ve been listening obsessively to John Legend’s great art song “All of Me”. At points in the song, I feel Guru is seated somewhere on a throne, a dear disciple is singing this song for him, and Guru’s is nodding, with his eyes closed. Any song I love, Guru will also love, on the strength of his oneness. “All of Me” I am sure will endure, as Schubert’s songs have endured, as Bach’s arias have endured. It is a classic and will one day be added to the vast tapestry of classical music.
The melody is mesmerizing. The words are obvious poetry. It has a touch of Vaishnava beauty, just pure bhakti.
“I give you all of me, and you give me all of you.”
“All of me, loves all of you- loves all your curves and edges, loves your perfect imperfections.”
It reminds me of what Guru said to me, that he loves me, he loves me for who and what I am, and this love has no price tag and no condition.
Dave Hurwitz is one of the most brilliant critics alive. And we have in common that Haydn is both of our favorite composer! Here is what he has to say about another classical ensemble, the Beatles, and how we know they have entered the canon of classical music:
https://youtu.be/uRUYIPzFp4M?si=_Wkn8pUx0A-wu8FH
–Mahiruha
